My horrible dream

On the 24th of April, I woke up with tears running
down my cheeks. I dreamt about my family and myself, fighting.
I can't remember what started the fight, but I can remember how.
I remembered that I was holding expensive pens.
And I threw them all at the wall infront of me as I was feeling full of wrath
in me at the moment. And somehow, Zairi, my cousin, came towards me,
and push me down, and wanted to fight. He's a fighter, but I was not afraid.
I stood up and wanted to fight back. Then, my sister was there and asked
why. Zairi said, "Fazli". After hearing that, my sister step aside and
wanted to watch the fight. So i looked at her in disappointment and said
"If you were in my shoes right now, I would protect you!".

And she said, "your pussy, you handle it!" (puki ah kau, tanggung sendiri ah!" (in malay).
Then, I looked at my mum, and she just sat there, doing nothing.
And that made me think to myself.

Why didn't they protect me?

Why is my family closer to Zairi than me?

Sure enough, Zairi is much more cooler than me. And that he's a funny guy. And always makes my mum, my sister & even Azahari laughs all the time!
Have I been replaced? They are like bestfriends! My sister, her husband and Zairi. Every night they hang out and laughs. I'm just going to let them be happy. And I'm going to move out one day and going to have a new family.

Blessed be.

Azahari Uses Me !

On Monday, the 23rd of March, I recieved a call from my step dad, Azari, early in the morning. It really is one of the most exhilarating moment when he calls. Its truly a one in a million time, that he calls. So i answered the phone, anxious to know what is up.

Azari : " What are you up to ? "
Me : " Nothing much . Why ? "
Azari : " Just asking . Anyway , remind me again , when's your birthdate ? "
Me : " Err ... Its on the 8th of May "
Azari : " Ok , thanks . "
Me : " Why , what's up ? "
Azari : " Oh nothing . Just want to get a number for later . Going to buy 4D . "
Me : " Toot ... toot ... toot "

I hung up the phone . I can't believe that he's valiant enough , to pull that off ! And thats one of million issues which almost got my mom and himself getting divorced . Gambling . I mean that's 2 deadly mistake that Azari should'nt do , gambling and forgetting my birthday ! For me , i don't forget peoples birthdate and ask them to remind me ! Okay maybe sometimes , but that's not the point . Our household debts are running high and stil increasing . Buying 4D , in the hopes of striking 1st price against thousands of others are just in act of zany. Totally.